Adults suck at play.
I SORT of knew this when I imposed the “30 Day Toddler Entertainment Challenge” on myself last month, but now that the challenge is over,1 I have a fresh understanding of:
A) the nuance of imaginative play, and
B) how bad I, as a grownup, am at it.
Like most adults who aren’t named something like, oh I don’t know, “Blippi,” I struggle with imaginative play. I have “more important things to do,” and when those tasks are done or being procrastinated around, the option of just looking at a three inch screen remains perpetually available.
Kids, fortunately, haven’t yet had the disposition towards play ripped out of their souls by the calloused hands of boring, cruel REALITY. That’s good news for us olds, because psychological research consistently validates the importance of play for adults. That’s not WHY I did the “30 Day Challenge,” but it was the most surprising ancillary benefit, as I certainly feel more creative, fun, and grounded after a month of consistent play with my kiddo.2
It took me some time to find my footing as a playmate, though. Situating oneself in a child’s fantasy world without obliterating it is quite tricky. I developed some hypotheses about why this might be the case, including that adults are thirsty, selfish playmates, eager to learn, master, and ultimately conquer extant challenges. These competitive dispositions - while reinforced by the workplace, bar trivia night, capitalism, & c. - constitute the wrong vibez for playing with a toddler.
And so, the more overwrought ideas I concocted - make bracelets to put on trees, design a road out of newspapers - ended up feeling the least successful, while the spontaneously goofy stuff - wash the dinosaurs, pretend to be an old prospector - killed. In light of that, I wanted to synthesize a few key learnings for other parents out there flirting with more imaginative play:
DO plan ahead: days are deceptively short, and picking a good play window - when both you are undistracted and the kiddo is in a good mood - constitutes a big chunk of the battle
DO look for inspiration: there are LOTS of creative parents roaming these content streets! You don’t need to reinvent the wheel. Steal the activities I did, not to mention the ones other, much more talented digital creators are sharing.
DO get on their level: both physically and metaphorically. You’re not a game show host, you’re a playmate. Get in there and PLAY!
DON’T get too attached to an idea: if your kid isn’t into something, cajoling will probably make it worse. Don’t force anything. The more you treat even your best play ideas as disposable, the better.
DON’T let play become a source of stress: play can be messy, non-linear, and haphazard. If that sounds stressful to you, be sure to manage your own mood before trying to engage a toddler. If all of this feels like a chore to you, your kid will notice.
At the risk of sounding like the apex cornball, don’t forget to have some fun with it. Having kids is more stressful than it needs, and a few minutes of scrolling “parenting content” can have the adverse effect of making you feel even worse at an already thankless role.
Play should be an antidote, not an irritant.
Single tear … 🥲
I’m also WAY better at making short video content on the apps, shoutout to old dogs learning new tricks.